Forgiveness Journal

Within each of us, as birth Mother's who entrusted our children to adoption lies that lifetime of wondering, worrying, and missing. A hole in our hearts that we cannot mend.

We tend to lock it away, deep within our cores so that we do not have to feel the pain of that loss on a daily basis. There are times when we sink into a depression, especially around birthdays and holidays. There are times when we cannot even pinpoint why we are depressed because we have buried that hurt so deeply. There are times when it is right there on the surface and our world seems to crash down around us.

Time does not take that hurt away. Time does not make us forget. Time does not change the unchangeable. Time goes on, but the buried hurt stays with us. Our lives continue to change and unfold over the years, but it does not take that pain away. We get married and often there are other children, but none of that can replace what happened to us. We are happy, we laugh, we sing and dance, but it is always there locked inside the box that is buried within us.

I remember someone telling me that this was the best thing that I could do for my child, to place him in the arms of another family. I will never know. I cannot go backwards and see what might of been had I kept him. I will never know if he cried out for me because someone else did not have my heart beat or my smell. I will never know and I had to learn how to be okay with that. It has taken me 45 years to learn the lesson of forgiveness. To allow my adult self and my pregnant teenage self to merge together and become one. They are not separate people although I have kept them that way in order to move forward.

So I started a journal of forgiveness for myself. A journal that I wish to share with you so that you might find a way to also begin a healing. A journal of love for myself.

If you would like to journey with me you might want to purchase a special journal that you can write in. And a willingness to be open and honest with your adult self and your teenage self. To have the dialogue that you could not have then and that no one else was having with you. This is a sacred place that you do not have to share with anyone. This can be the space where you can be honest and scream and yell and cry over your loss. This can be the space where you begin to heal.

I want you to remember that you are ENOUGH...you are GOOD ENOUGH...You are BRAVE and STRONG...and you can take back your POWER by sharing your side of the story. Because dear heart it is your story, and by telling it you can release some of the pain, the mystery, the secret, and the lies.

You are SO LOVED!